Loneliness is a thing.


I’m not in a good place yet,

No matter how well put together

I seem to you.

Seams, yes,

I’m not seamless. Unseamless.

I cry in therapy –

Not as much as before.

The things I’m touching

Are darker yet


For tears.

Then I get my shit together and go about my life the rest of the week. I read, I write, I pet the cat, take care of the house, do nothing.

I feel mostly lonely.

Romantic love is an idea –



I failed at in everyway I could/knew how.


I write with fear all the time, though I tell everyone to write freely, no attachments. I, for one, am attached to everyone and everything and never let go. I carry them all, love them still, doubt I’ll ever love me.

I fight over lost things, things of consequence, dead things. Most lively they are, for they haunt, rip the seams.

I gather in a heap again, turn the phrase, press myself between pages. Those people speak with my own language. It’s the biggest joy, the abyss, cutting knife, burst of something quite good.


In my everyday, I am other.

Loneliness is a thing.

I make my face up

Feel pretty.

Pretty is a thing.

I miss my ex-girlfriend still.

She was good and I was good and together we are nothing good.

We are not a thing.

I miss touch.

Another hand, the other’s hand, not mine.

Touch is a thing.

But I don’t miss myself.

That’s also a thing.

I have pleasure

Even, mostly, without you.

I have hurt

Even, mostly, without me.

I make soup

Then eat junk-food

I go to work. I don’t write everyday. I talk to people I never see. They know me and I know them and we know we’re friends. Online is a kind of life for those with kind hearts. I have all conversations that matter in deep silence. Everything else is so loud.



Another thing is this:

I don’t want to fall in love

Refusal, that’s a thing.


I don’t want to love you

You’re a man, a man, a man

You know nothing

So why.


A man is also a thing.


Picture: www.pinterest.pt/pin/802344489837448280/


About Fhrynne

queer. feminist. fairy. reader. writer. Ver todos os artigos de Fhrynne

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